salamullah alaikum wa rahmatuhu wa barakatuhu,

it's one thing to pretend, it's another thing to bear the consequences. i know that now things are as blur as my sight. as i take a step foward, i experience new things in my life. i've been living in this unpredictable and glorious world for 15 years and so, and i hope i will live longer, as i want to achieve my dreams which i have been keeping for a long time. i know that whoever reads this will ask what i am writing about, for your information, recently i've been in a world of ups and downs. eventually ,this peculiar experience of mine really teaches me what is the meaning of life. Until now, i cant find the time (even a minute) to revise my studies, to play with my siblings, to talk with my teachers and most importantly, to have a normal conversation with my parents. It's as if i am clinging to the peak of a cliff and it's just a matter of time to let go of my grip. It hurts a lot (emotionally, physically and mentally). I prefer to suffer in silence to getting everybody involve in this intimidating situation. Yes, i'm not troubling anyone, but the fact that everyday ppl worry about me is so wrong. I have wasted a lot of everyone's time, energy and effort. It's so wrong to make people sad. I rather put on a fake happy face than to show the sorrow in me. Let Allah only who knows my real problem.

i've been thinking of changing institution. However, i have the hunch that it will be more complicated there as i only know a handful of ppl. hmmm..